An Imperial Christmas
by Red Pen Ninja
Summary: Darth Vader loves Christmas. But the Emperor doesn't. What happens when Vader gets invited to the Rebellion Christmas party? Rated T for things that could happen later.
1. Lovely Weather For A Ship Ride Together

**Hmm, I can't really say anything cuz I don't have any readers yet. But if you do read, please review. **

**Disclaimer: I couldn't possibly be George Lucas, considering I'm a girl.**

Anakin Skywalker loved Christmas. Whether he was illegally cutting down a pine tree on Correllia with his lightsaber for the Jedi or soliciting outside the Chancellor's apartment while Christmas caroling, he loved it. In fact, while he was fighting Obi-Wan on Mustafar, he considered revealing what he was getting his former master for Christmas, as a form of ultimate revenge.

But ever since he had become Darth Vader, he had to hide his love for the season because the Emperor was one old, mean bah humbug…..

**HHHHHH**

While the Emperor was away building yet another statue of himself, Darth Vader called all the Stormtroopers together.

"All right listen up you no good clones, we've got some work to do."

"If anyone asks, it's Buzz's turn to give the Emperor a bath!"

"Is not! I did it last week and I caught old-man-creep cooties off of him! I'm still recovering, thank you!"

"No! All you did was lock the door while I had to clean him!"

"QUIET!" Darth Vader roared. "I can't believe you all still believe in cooties. Didn't we clear this up during the Clone Wars?"

"No."

He sighed, "Look, we're going to make this place look good for Christmas. So go get some lights and a tree and let's get to work!"

All the Stormtroopers cheered and rushed off to find Christmas stuff.

"If we work fast, it'll only take us one song!" Darth Vader encouraged as the cheerful, Christmas music started to play in the background.

_Rocking around the Christmas Tree__  
__at the Christmas party hop__  
__Mistletoe hung where you can see__  
__Ev'ry couple tries to stop___

_You will get a sentimental feeling When you hear voices singing__  
__"Let's be jolly; Deck the halls with boughs of holly" Rocking around the Christmas Tree__  
__Have a happy holiday__  
__Everyone's dancing merrily__  
__In a new old fashioned way___

_Rocking around the Christmas Tree__  
__Let the Christmas Spirit ring__  
__Later we'll have some pumpkin pie__  
__and we'll do some caroling_

"I always hated that song," Shark commented. Rex elbowed him in the side and pressed the universal light remote. The Star Destroyer erupted in Christmas lights and a 20 foot tree caught on fire.

"Did that seriously just happen?" Rex asked quietly.

"Yes, yes it did," Shark said, taking out his water gun and drenching the tree.

"That's better. Let's get the ornaments."

One Christmas melody later, the tree was decorated with ornaments that looked like the different planets (and one of Darth Vader's head and a Stormtrooper mask) and a lightsaber tree topper.

"How many times have I told you not to touch Anakin's stuff?" Vader cried, using the Force and taking the blue blade off of the tree.

"Aw, come on boss, have a little fun," Rex coaxed.

"No."

"But.."

"No."

"Are…"

"No."

"Do…"

"No."

"Geez boss, I just wanted to know if you wanted some hot chocolate."

Darth Vader sighed, but then he smiled. The tree was up.

**HHHHH**

The Emperor smiled and stuck his key in the lock. He knew everyone would be happy to see him back so early.

Some people might call him delusional. The poor old hag pretended that everyone loved him, especially the other Imperials on his Star Destroyer. When in reality they threw a party the second he stepped outside.

He turned the lock, hobbled inside, and threw his arms out, waiting for a hug.

"I'm back! You can begin applauding now!" He closed his eyes and smiled again.

No one was around. He heard laughing and music coming from the kitchen. He hurried across the decorated hall without even noticing it.

Suddenly he stopped and turned around. His beautiful, boringly gray and black hallway was ruined! Bright twinkling lights, happy tinsel, stockings for every Stormtrooper and one for Vader, and a huge Christmas tree decorated the hall.

"LORD VADERRRRR!" He stormed into the kitchen.

His loyal Imperials were standing around drinking hot chocolate and listening to _A Mace Windu Christmas. _Apparently the Jedi had an amazing voice and had recorded his own Christmas album.

"What are you doing?" He fumed.

"Having a Christmas party. Want some hot coco, boss?" Rex asked, holding out a mug that read "#1 Emperor".

"No. No I don't, CT-45. Lord Vader. What is going on here?"

"Well, Christmas is such a great season so we decorated the ship. It only took us one Christmas song. How about that?"

The Stormtroopers cheered and high-fived.

"You will all take down this stuff and throw it into space. I will not have these abominations running my ship! Do. It. Now."

The Emperor turned, clutched his pounding heart, and hobbled out of the room.

"Oh now what?" Darth Vader sighed.

The Stormtroopers shrugged.

"Hey, Lord Vader, we got a call for you. From a base on Hoth." The telephone operator called from down the hall.

"Ugh, I'm coming," Vader walked off into the hallway. "Someone turn on my theme song!"

The Imperial march turned on and Vader let his cape fly dramatically behind him as he stormed into the telephone room.

"Hello?"

"Hey, Father. It's me, Luke," the fledgling Jedi greeted him.  
"Luke! How's it going? Merry Christmas!"

"That's out of character."

"It's what Christmas does to me," Vader shrugged.

"Good, because we're having a Christmas party down here on Hoth and we were wondering if you'd want to come."

"YES!"

"That was easy."

"Can I bring some friends and a couple of decorations?"

"Yeah, but no tricks. Your friends can't be assassins and your decorations can't be bombs."

"No problemo, kid. I'll get on my way as soon as possible."

Darth Vader slammed the phone down happily and skipped down the hall.

"Pack your bags, boys! We're going to Hoth!"


	2. Jingle Rhymes With Witches

**Yay! I'm glad people seem to be liking this story. Enjoy and have a great week. **

_**PLEASE READ: Lot of movie references in this one including the Wizard of Oz, and Airplane! There's also a Psych reference if anyone watches that show.**_

**If you read, please review**

**Disclaimer: Nope, still don't own Star Wars. I do own this computer, this account, and this bowl of strawberries.**

After packing the thickest armor the Stormtroopers had been issued, and grabbing a thicker cape, a scarf, and a toboggan hat for Vader, they snuck down the hall into the hangar.

"All right, ya'll, we made it this far. Now all we have to do is make it to Hoth without the screwed over Emp noticing," Vader explained.

"Uh, boss, were you just Southern and street in the same sentence?"

Vader crossed his arms and sighed, "I was raised on a planet that's a cross between a redneck small town and a ghetto. It's how I talk when I'm nervous."

"Fair enough, boss. Now let's get out of here," Rex said. He slammed the button on the side of the enormous shuttle to open the door.

"Hurry, two at a time, two at a time, just like that movie about the old man and his giant boat," Vader ordered.

"Uh, Noah's ark, boss?"

"Yeah. I suppose so," Vader said, scanning the hangar for any sign on the Emperor. Suddenly, he perked up. "Guys, listen."

Every Stormtrooper froze, whether they were sitting in the shuttle or marching inside. They heard the whining call of the Emperor.

"Hellooooo? Anyone here? I need someone to make me a five-course meal for snack time and then help me do water aerobics," the Emperor called in his helpless, pathetic, high voice.

"RUN! EVERYONE RUN!" Vader screamed. The shuttle was swarmed with troopers.

"Help! Help! He's got me! He's got meeeeee!" One of the Stormtroopers yelled.

Vader turned to see Red on his belly being Force- dragged over to the Emperor.

"Anakin, we gotta go, he's shutting the space doors," the pilot told him.

"All right, let's move. And don't call me Anakin."

"I'll get you, you backstabbing asthmatic Sith, and your little friends too!"

"Yeah, you and what army?" Vader muttered as he took his seat next to Rex.

"Uh, boss, he's the Emperor. He has an army."

Vader shut up and enjoyed the rest of the flight.

**HHHHHH**

As Hoth loomed before our heroes, the pilot stopped the ship short.

"Hey, Pi, why are you stopping?"

"We got pulled over, boss," the pilot told Vader nervously.

The cop's ship pulled up next to the shuttle and rolled down the window. The pilot did the same.

"You've got to be kidding me," Vader muttered.

"License and registration please, sir," the clone formerly known as Commander Cody instructed.

"Cody, you must be out of your damn mind if you think I'm gonna do that," Vader sighed.

"License and registration," he repeated.

Buzz slammed his spraystick on the side of the shuttle, "Have you been drinking sir?"

But, alas, not everyone can understand a joke and Vader killed both of his old comrades.

"Now, what do you say we get to that Christmas party?" Vader said in an attempt to escape the awkwardness that surrounded them.

**HHHHHH**

Meanwhile, down at the Rebel base, Luke was receiving his first Christmas gift as a Rebel: hell from Leia and Han.

"I can't get over the fact that you invited Vader to our Christmas party!"

"Yeah, kid, of all the stupid things!"

"If you would, Han, I have this under control."

"HA! Is that like the time where we had to come rescue you from Vader's floating ball? I assume you had everything under control then to, eh?"

"All right, listen you scruffy-looking nerf-herder!"

"Oh, never heard that one before, your worship!"

"We're standing under mistletoe!"

"So we are! Want a kiss?"

Luke took the opportunity to avoid an awkward situation, avoid being yelled at, and answer the door. Chewbacca had programmed to doorbell so it would sound like "Jingle Bells" every time it rang. It was getting quite annoying.

"Dad! You made it!" Luke cried happily as he opened the door.

But, as it turns out, it was not Vader, but instead Christmas carolers on tauntauns singing "Jingle Bells".

"ARE YOU EVEN KIDDING ME RIGHT NOW?"

"Sorry, dude, just trying to spread some Christmas cheer," one of the carolers shrugged.

"With that song?"

"Uhm, yes it's catchy."

"And, of all planets, you picked this one?"

"Yes."

Luke just gave them an odd look and shut the door. Just as he turned to walk away and hide in his room until Vader came, there doorbell rang again.

"No, I haven't changed my mind about your song!"

"I don't sing, son," Vader growled. "Now, do you want to let us in?"

"Dad!" Luke's voice fell as he saw the legion behind his father. "Aaaaahnd you brought Stormtroopers."

"You better believe it, kid," one of the troopers said as he trooped inside and clapped Luke on the shoulder.

"Snazzy toboggan hat, Vader," Leia said when she saw the Imps.

"Cool bagel-shaped hair," Vader snapped back. Leia stuck her nose up and walked down the hall.

"Kid, you wanna get us some Hoth chocolate?" Rex ordered, collapsing on the couch next to seven other Stormtroopers.

"Uh, sure," Luke said. Vader got up and followed him.

When they were in the kitchen, Luke pinned Vader to the wall.

"Are you trying to give me a heart attack?"

"Chill it, kid. You're not my age yet. If anyone's having a heart attack it's me or Old Ben."

"For the last time, he's dead! And for the record, you owe me an explanation about my mom."

Vader tensed, "That'll be later."

"Promise?"

"I swear on Obi-Wan's life."

"He's. _DEAD_!"

Vader sighed, "It's a stage of the grieving process. Denial."

Luke sighed, filled ten cups with hot chocolate and brought them down the hall.

"Kid! I asked for Hoth chocolate!" Rex whined.

Moments later, Luke reappeared in the kitchen. "Are they always like this?"

"Only around rebels."

**HHHHHH**

Vader was busy unpacking in his room on the East guest wing when he heard a knock at the door.

"Christmas carolers?"

"Guess again, my lord!" Leia burst in.

"Oh. Hey."

"You may have everyone else fooled, even Han, with the Mr. Nice Christmas Guy thing, but not me! I'm a politician!" she said smugly, crossing her arms.

Vader snickered, "And that helps you how?"

"I have better intuition."

"Right. Now if you don't mind, I have to install my cold weather respirator."

"You're kidding me."

"Uh, if I was I wouldn't have said it," Vader said. "And you say you have better intuition."

Leia stormed out of the room as Vader's respirator hissed with laughter.


	3. We Wish You A Merry Mustafar!

**Thanks to Aino, redlion2286, randomfan, StarRose85, Once In A Blue Moon, and Super Tin Foil Man Part 2 for your generous reviews. Thanks also to anyone who subscribed or added this to your favorite stories list (but I do like reviews a littleee bit better) **

**Disclaimer: Congratulations! I'm not an owner of Star Wars.**

Darth Vader crept into the dark kitchen. The lights were dim and the radiator was vibrating insanely. He shuddered, remembering that the one on the Death Star had almost tried to eat him.

He poured himself a large mug of Hoth chocolate and turned to check the clock. What he saw nearly made him scream.

"Luke! What are you doing sitting on there? You almost made me drop my drink."

Luke was sitting Indian-style on top of the grandfather clock as it struck one, "I don't know. I suddenly had the urge to come down here and reenact that scene from The Nutcracker."

"Lovely. Now, if you don't mind, I'm going to go back to bed," Vader started to walk out the door.

"No. Tell me about what happened on Mustafar."

"No."

"You promised! Dad! That's not fair!" Luke crossed his arms and pouted.

"Fine, fine. Come with me," Vader led his son back to his room and sat in the armchair.

Luke jumped into his father's lap and took out a teddy bear, "Ready!"

Vader shifted his legs under his son and began, "Once upon a time, there was a handsome Jedi named Anakin Skywalker. He was called the Hero With No Fear, the Chosen One, and, on a less intense note, Ani."

"Hehe, Ani…."

"Do you want to hear the story or not?"

"Sorry, sorry."

"Anyway, one day, Anakin joined the Dark Side because an evil man named Chancellor Palpantine aka Darth Sidious told him it could make him really special."

"Can it?"

"Son, I'm just as _special_ as you can get," Vader sighed. "So Anakin went to Mustafar like his new master told him to. He killed all the mean Separatists and then waited for Sidious to come. But then, his secret wife, Padme` Amidala, came because Anakin's old Jedi master had told her a ton of really mean things about him."

"Like what?" Luke said, clutching his teddy bear tighter.

"Like that he wasn't the same person and he had a stupid title and stuff like that. Except Darth Vader is just about as cool as you can get now adays. Anakin felt really bad for his wife so he tried to convince her to join him. But she said no and Vader aka Anakin was sad because she was preg-os and Sidious told Vader that the only way to save her from dying while giving birth was join the Dark Side. And then Vader saw his old master Obi-Wan and got really mad and choked Padme`."

"JERK!" Luke cried. "You killed my mommy!"

"You wanted to know. Anyway, so Obi-Wan and Vader had this huge fight and Obi-Wan did a really mean thing. He pushed Vader into the lava and then took his lightsaber and then left him there to BBQ. But luckily, Sidious came and did a ton of fancy operations and put Vader into a super cool suit."

"Super cool, my last piece of bologna," Luke muttered.

"What was that?"

"Uh, nothing."

Vader continued, "Meanwhile, on some ship, Padme` gave birth to you and your sister but then she died. It wasn't my fault, though. She had emotional issues or something. I always did want her to go to a therapist or something. So much drama there!"

"Is that the end?"

"Not necessarily. Then Luke and Leia joined the Rebels and blew up their dad's pride and joy. And the Emperor got really mad at Vader and almost killed him. So now Vader hates the Emperor. So when the Rebels invited Vader and his legion to the Christmas party they said yes. Then Vader's son decided to be annoying and ask about his mom but then he got all hypocritical on me. The end!"

"That was the worst story ever," Luke said, rising from his father's lap and spilling Vader's Hoth coco.

"Great. Just great," Vader yelled, standing as the coco dripped on his suit.

"Sorry, Dad. Well, see you at breakfast!"

**HHHHHH**

Vader spent three hours cleaning the coco off of his suit before he joined his legion for breakfast.

"Morning, boss. Sleep well?" Rex coughed out between mouthfuls of eggs.

"No not particularly Rex," Vader mumbled. "Pass the toast."

"How are you going to eat that?" Leia said from the other end of the table.

"Mind your own business," Vader growled.

"He's very touchy about suit issues," Shark whispered to her.

Luke danced in, looking very gay, "I have an announcement!"

No one looked up.

"We're taking a field trip…..to Mustafar!"

"HOORAY!" Vader's legion erupted in cheers.

"No way. Not going to happen," Vader said. "I own Mustafar and no one can go unless they have my signature."

"Hey, boss, can I have your autograph?" Fly asked, pulling out the grant papers.

"Oh, of course," Vader scribbled his signature onto the paper.

"And one for my mom?" Fly handed Vader the volunteer tour guide slips.

"Sure, why not? Makes for a good Christmas gift!"

"All right, thanks. ON TO MUSTAFAR!" Fly yelled. Handing Vader a tour guide uniform, he added, "You might want to put this on, boss."

"Wha….what!"

**HHHHHHHH**

Vader slowly drove the lava tram over the sea of volcanoes and towards the bank where he and Obi-Wan fought.

"And on your right, you'll see the bank where the newly dubbed Vader and his former master Obi-Wan Kenobi fought," he said in a dull voice.

A couple of Stormtroopers snapped a picture, "This is our Christmas card!"

"There's no one in it," Leia pointed out smugly. "It can't be a card without people in it."

"Shut it. Why don't you make us some bagels?"

"ON YOUR LEFT, you'll see the ruins of a Separatist base," Vader calmed the coming storm. "Inside are the bodies of many renowned Separatist leaders including Nute Gunray and General Grievous."

"Not true, not true!" an echoing voice disagreed.

"Hey! Look at that!" Rex pointed to a mysterious figure walking on the water towards them.

"IT'S THE END OF THE WORLD!" Preacher dove behind a seat and hid.

"Oh, stand up Preacher," Shark told his fellow trooper. "Everyone knows that doesn't happen until 2012."

"No, Phil of the Future was from 2121," Han argued.

"No, he was from 2021," Rex argued.

"Have you seen any TV?" Han cried. "That's like saying Indiana Jones was played by Harrison Ford."

"He _was_," Rex pointed out.

"Fine, have it your way," Han crossed his arms and shrank down into the seat.

"Answer me! Answer me!" the figure was calling as it neared the tram.

"Vader do something!" Leia ordered from the back.

"Use your manners," Vader snapped.

"Vader please do something!"

"I'm your father, you will address me with respect!"

"Lord Vader, my father, most powerful Sith, please do something because you are the strongest being in the galaxy," Leia muttered humbly.

"Please Dad would've done, but that works too."

"Too late!" the figure was now standing in front of the tram.

"Dooku?"

"Yup! Can I come to the Christmas party? Please! I haven't had any fun since I died and I can't stand being a Force ghost. I need a party," Dooku's ghost begged.

"We should let him come, ya'll. He used to be known as the Party Krayt," Vader told the others.

"Doing again with the Southern thing, boss," Rex commented.

"Get in the tram, Dooku. We'll finish the tour, pick up Obi-Wan, and head for Hoth," Luke told the ghost.

"Obi-Wan?" Vader cried. "There's no way in Sith he's coming to the party."

"Too late, Darth!" Obi-Wan's ghost appeared next to him. "I'm coming and we're gonna party like old times."

"Oh. Fun."

"Who knows?" Obi-Wan leaned back and relaxed like he owned the place. "Maybe I'll have a _very_ special Christmas gift for you!"

"This isn't going to be like that one Christmas back at the Temple when I found you next to me when I got out of bed to…"

"No, no. I got counseling for that. It was just a stage, puberty or something," Obi-Wan quickly discarded Vader's comment.

"Puberty? You were thirty-four!"

"I. Was. A. Late. BLOOMER! How many times do I have to tell you that?"

Vader sighed and continued with the tour.


	4. Walking In a Force Ghost Nightmare

**YESSSSSSS! I love reviews! And you people (being the best fans in the universe) have given some to me for Christmas! Yay! Best Christmas ever!**

**Hey, anyone out there watch Psych? I do. Maybe I should stop talking about that since the season is ending soon….. **

**Wow, that was random. I bet you want to read the story now. **

**Disclaimer: This feels a little redundant. **

**If you read, please review because I'm greedy and like a ton of reviews.**

"I can't thank you enough for doing this!"

Obi-Wan grinned at his old friend. And all the perverts reading this thought "Ooh, Master Kenobi's getting it on!"

But that was not the case! Instead, Ben's ghost was using a magical, old lost Force power. It allowed him to transport some of his Force amazingness and bring the ghost of a non-Force user into the world.

"Oh, any time, M'lady. I always enjoy seeing a Sith Lord's butt kicked by his dead wife."

"You've seen that happen before?"

"Oh, you wouldn't believe some of the stuff they put on Holo-TV now adays."

Padme` smiled evilly.

"Do me a favor, Senator. Try to lay low until the end of dinner. I've always wanted to party with Dooku. They used to call him…."

"Yeah, yeah. The party krayt. Everyone loves a dead old guy."

Obi-Wan knew that this was true. He was the life of the party in the Netherworld. But, he decided to keep his mouth shut.

"Please?"

She rolled her translucent ghost eyes, "Yeah works for me. Just make sure you save me a piece of pie."

"Dealio."

"You got that from that Pink song didn't you?"

Obi-Wan shrugged and floated off into the living room.

**HHHHHH**

"YOU GUYS! OHMIGOD! YOU GUYSSSS!" Rex yelled at the top of his lungs.

"What, Rex? What is so important you had to disturb me?" Vader growled as he stormed in the room.

"Oh, boss, you got that from Elf."

"Watched it four times in a row and I can't stop quoting it. But seriously what is it?"

Rex directed Vader's attention to the TV like a game show host and said, "A Year Without A Santa Claus is on!"

Moments later, Rebels, Imperials, and two Force ghosts were gathered around the TV with Hoth coco and caramelized popcorn watching Snow Miser burst into song.

"I'm Mr. White Christmas. I'm Mister Snoooohw!"

"This movie is so overplayed," Luke muttered.

"Have some Christmas spirit, Luke. This move's a classic!" Vader scoffed.

"Yeah, kid. Who doesn't like a tall blue guy singing about himself to two elves, a ginger boy, and an old lady?" Han said.

"Quiet, this is the best part!" Rex muttered, leaning dangerously close to the TV.

"Uh, Rex, he's spinning and saying 'brrr'. There is nothing special about this part," Leia told the former clone.

Rex shoved a couple of caramel popcorn bits into her hair while she wasn't looking and gained his revenge for her hurtful comment.

"All right, you idiots! Dinner's ready!"

Vader turned and gave Luke his best quizzical look.

"Yeah, the cook came with the base. I tried paying him to leave, but old Abominable wouldn't leave."

"Abominable? As in Abominable Snow Man?"

"Erm, maybe?"

"Son, you really need to rethink your staffing," Vader told him as they walked into the dining room.

Everyone loaded their plates with Christmas ham, potatoes, squash, bread, and a few cookies. More like a few hundred for Dooku, but that's okay.

Dooku rose and slammed a spoon onto his glass. It shattered Immedietley and everyone paused in cramming food into their mouths and stared at him, "I guess that got your attention."

"Hurry up, party krayt!"

"Anyway, it's really fun being here with you all and I hope we can have even more fun after dinner. Thanks." Then he sat back down.

"Aww, that was adorable Dooku-kinz!" Obi-Wan purred.

"They call me Heat MisERR!" the TV blared in the other room.

"Wow. That and Obi-Wan's comment just managed to turn a somewhat nice moment into a moment filled with poorly-choiced words and a bad script," Luke grumbled.

"Hey!" Vader said, pointing a spork at Luke. "That movie has a great script. If you can do better, you write a new one!"

"Oh yeah?"

"YEAH!"

"Well maybe I will!"

"Actually, don't. That'd waste time," Vader said sheepishly as he cut his slice of ham in half.

After dinner, they returned to the living room, where a new ghost was watching A Charlie Brown Christmas.

"Oh, hey guys. I haven't seen this since a certain jerk decided to kill me!"

Vader fainted.

**HHHHHH**

Doctor No Life` hated his name. It wasn't even pronounced "no life" it was pronounced "Noh lifay." Yet the Rebels insisted otherwise.

"DOCTOR NO LIFE WE NEED YOU!" Luke's voice blared through the intercom and into the doctor's office.

Collecting his bag, he hurried down the hall, his lab coat flying behind him.

He paused for a moment, checking his reflection in the ice. He pushed his large Joe Jonas glasses up to the bridge of his nose. Taking out a sponge, he rubbed his bald head to make it shiny.

"PAGING DOCTOR NO!" Luke shrieked from down the hall.

The doctor took off again and joined Luke in the living room.

"What happened?" the doctor asked in a voice that sounded like he'd been inhaling helium.

Luke subdued a laugh and said, "Vader just passed out!"

"Oh, I see. Now, let me just take out this medication," he mumbled, rummaging through his bag.

"RAWR AROO RAR!"

"Chewie says Doc Life's voice is annoying and we need to hire a new doctor," Han translated. Chewbacca nodded vigorously in the background.

"My voice is perfectly fine!"

"Heliummmm, your voice," Han sang. "It sounds like….HELIUM!"

Chewbacca chimed in with his electric guitar.

"It's high and it's girly! It doesn't seem possibleeee!" Han tossed his microphone around like Elvis.

"RAWR!"

"If you're a doctor than maybe you should fix your voice! There has to be some pills out there that can make your voice normallllll! GUITAR SOLO!"

Chewie rocked out, windmilled, and slid across the stage on his knees.

"And while you're at it change your nay-ay-ameeeee! Heliummmmm, your voice," he belted out. "It sounds like…..HELIUMMMMMMMM!"

Chewie jammed one final chord and then the two high-fived.

"If you two are so smart," the doctor cried. "You fix Vader!"

"Wait! Doctor No Life!" Luke cried.

"I quit!" the doctor shrieked.

The ice rumbled and far in the north of the planet, a glacier split in half. Dogs started running towards the base, but the glacier stopped them.

Luke turned around, fuming.

"Don't worry, Luke," Ben soothed. "I know how to fix Vader." He chuckled, "Plus, I have a normally-pitched, post-puberty voice."

Ben pressed a few buttons on Vader and the Sith Lord woke up.

"Oh, guys," he sat up, rubbing his helmet. "I had the worst dream."

The Rebels, Imperials, and three ghosts crowded around him.

"You were there," Vader pointed to his son. "And you were there." He pointed at Ben. "And you were there, too." He pointed at Padme`'s ghost.

"Hey, Ani! Have a nice nap?" she snapped.

"Will you excuse me for a second?" Then, just like in the cartoons, Vader disappeared, leaving behind nothing but a steamy caricature of himself.

"Well, that went well," Padme` decided. The other shrugged, collected their plates, and continued watching A Charlie Brown Christmas.


	5. O Anakin's Lightsaber

**I've gotten a lot of reviews for Christmas! Yay! Cyber cookies to all reviewers! **

**Anyway, I'm working to have the last few chapters up before Christmas. If anyone wants our heroes to have a New Year's party, let me know.**

**Disclaimer: Jingle bells, jingle bells, I don't own Star Wars! Oh what fun it is to freeload off of Lucas!**

**If you read, please review.**

For the second time in two days, Darth Vader came down to the kitchen.

"Hey, Vadey-wadey." The ghostly voice of his wife hissed.

"Look, what do you want from me?" Vader asked nervously, his hand wavering to his lightsaber.

Padme` pinned the Sith to the wall and Vader started having an asthma attack, "I want you to apologize and then give me Anakin Skywalker's lightsaber."

"I….am….Anakin," Vader choked out.

"No, no you're not," Padme` sighed. "You killed me as Vader, you fought Obi-Wan as Vader, and you're at a Rebellion Christmas party as Vader. Anakin Skywalker is as dead as Windu."

"Tell him I said hi! And don't worry. I watched the movies, eventually I realize that Sidious didn't kill all the Anakin inside of me," Vader assured.

"I'm waiting for my apology," Padme` whispered.

Vader sighed, "I'm sorry I killed you. You're the best thing that ever happened to me and I wasn't thinking straight."

"Well, obviously. Jerk!"

"Look, I've been sorry every day of my life," Vader growled. "But now I'm not so sure! You are the biggest drama queen I've ever met, with the exception of the Emperor."

"At least I didn't kill anyone!"

"Stop playing the innocent act! It was on and off with you. When I met you, you were all 'I got this' and then you were like 'Okay, I may need a little help' and then the year I killed you, you were like 'I need everyone to do things for me because I suck!' You couldn't do a damn thing!"

"Just get my lightsaber and I'll go, I don't need this from you!"

"You shouldn't have come here," Vader yelled, inches away from his wife. "I'm still a Sith and you're ruining my Christmas!"

Padme` grabbed a cup of Hoth chocolate that had been sitting on the counter for quite some time and splashed it in his face.

"Ha! It's not even hot anymore!" Vader laughed, wiping his mask off and sauntering down the hall.

"GET ME MY LIGHTSABER!" Padme` yelled after his receding, chuckling figure.

**HHHHHH**

Rex wasn't able to sleep at all that night. It was Christmas Eve and he was thinking about all the presents under the tree in the morning. He kept running to his window to try to see Santa Claus and his reindeer coming.

As he was getting ready to make another dash to the window, Vader burst in.

"Rex, do you have Anakin's lightsaber?"

"Uh, no boss," Rex feigned tiredness as he sat up in his bed. "You told me to leave Anakin's stuff alone, so I put it back in the storage closet."

"Which one?" Vader asked, his voice shaking.

"On the Star Destroyer. Why you asking, boss?"

"Because Padme` wants Anakin's lightsaber," Vader sighed.

"Boss, are you gonna miss Christmas?"

"Of course not! I'll go tonight and be back by Christmas," Vader decided, storming out of the room and onto a shuttle.

**HHHHHH**

Emperor Palpantine and the Stormtrooper he had dragged away from the Christmas party were all alone.

Jeeti, the Stormtrooper, had spent most of the time crying and doing Palpatine's bidding.

"Jeeti! Jeeti! Over here!" Vader hissed. The Stormtrooper scurried over to where Vader was standing.

"Lord Vader, what do you want?" he scoffed, crossing his arms and looking away.

"I need to get Anakin's lightsaber. Can you help me?"

"No! I'm calling Palpantine, you abandon me, I'll abandon you!" Jeeti whined.

"No, wait," Vader grabbed his arm. "If you help me, I'll take you to the Christmas party."

Jeeti's eyes widened, "Really, sir? You mean it?"

"Since when do you call me sir? Usually it's boss," Vader sighed.

"I've been with the Emperor too long," Jeeti worried.

"Yeah, now let's go." Vader grabbed Jeeti's arm and dragged the trooper towards the hallway.

Vader made his hands into a gun and pinned himself onto the wall, sneaking like a cop.

"Boss, what are you doing?"

"Been watching too much _NCIS_," Vader shrugged and put down his hands.

"Jeeti! Jeeti! I need you to wash my delicates!" the Emperor called from down the hall.

The two started to have a fast-whispering fight.

"Go!" Vader ordered.

"What? No, you promised!"

"Go!"

"No!"

"I'll come back for you!"

"I don't believe you!"

"Go!" Vader gave the Stormtrooper an encouraging push.

Jeeti muttered a string of Huttese curse words at the poor Sith and walked down the hall.

Vader rolled his eyes and picked the lock on the storage closet. Inside was a mountain of lightsabers that looked just like Anakin's.

Whipping out his cell phone, Vader called Rex.

Back at the base, Rex's ringtone went off, "Stop calling stop calling I don't wanna talk anymore! I left my head and my heart on the dance floor!"

Rex reached for his phone and fell out of the bed. He grabbed the phone and said groggily, "Hello, you've reached Rex. Please hold."

"Rex! I can't hold!" Vader screamed.

"STOP CALLING STOP CALLING!" Rex sang.

"Are you implying something?"

"No, no I'm not, boss. Thank you for holding now what can I do?"

"Uh, there's a ton of lightsabers in the closet and I don't know which one is mine, I mean Anakin's."

"Oh. Oops. Me and the gang were going to market them. We call them Professional Imitations. Pretty great, huh? But don't worry, Anakin's lightsaber is the only one that cuts through things," Rex explained.

"Professional Imitations? Wouldn't a nice name like Master Replicas sound better?"

"Hey thanks boss! Good luck finding Anakin's lightsaber! And be back in time for Christmas!" Rex hung up and went back to sleep.

Vader sighed and picked up a lightsaber, pressed the button and swung it against a metal rack. It did nothing. He tossed it aside and looked at the mountain in front of him once more.

This was going to take a while

**HHH 2 Hours Later HHH**

The pile had only been reduced one-fourth of the way when Jeeti dragged himself into the closet.

Vader paused in swinging a blue blade into a rack and said, "Dude, aren't you being a little dramatic? It was just washing clothes."

"No! I'm really not! He has tons. I'm not even kidding. _Tons_."

"Right. Anyway, grab a lightsaber and start checking to see if it'll cut stuff," Vader ordered.

The two started working and Jeeti took out his iPod.

"How about some music?"

"Sure."

Jeeti switched on his iPod and selected a song.

"BABY BABY BAYBEEE OOOH LIKE BABY BABY BAYBEEE NO!"

Vader selected a lightsaber, tossed Jeeti's iPod in the air, and attempted to slice it in half.

"Hey! It worked!" Vader noticed happily as Justin Beaver died.

"Hey! You killed my idol!"

Vader gave Jeeti a strange look and ran out into the hallway. He dashed towards the shuttle with Jeeti at his heels when he ran into a blubbery, bouncy wall. He flew about thirty feet backwards and crashed against a wall.

"Ow! What the Death Star?"

"Did you really just say that aloud, Lord Vader?"

Vader rubbed his helmet and looked up at the Emperor looming above him.

He had strong, sturdy-looking legs but a large, flabby gut sticking out from his robe. His eyes looked glazed over from TV and playing Club Penguin. He had an annoying-looking pout on his face and his arms were crossed like he was so perfect and amazing.

"I missed you Lord Vader. I need you to make me a sandwich."

"If you can work a Death Star, you can work a knife. It's not that hard."

The Emperor sighed, "No! I can't!" then he let out a shriek that could make dogs come running.

Vader slowly stood up and began to walk sideways towards a shuttle, "Well, I know a guy who makes a great PB and J. I'll just go fill out an order. Can I have some money?"

The Emperor looked like he was about to whine again.

"Okay, okay. Never mind," Vader hurried onto the shuttle and took off.

"NO! YOU PROMISED YOU STUPID SITH LORD! YOU PROMISED I WOULD COME!" Jeeti shrieked.

"Dude, you've been spending way too much time with him," Vader yelled out the window. But he let down the ladder through the window and Jeeti grabbed on.

"NO! I am coming! You can't control me!" the Emperor yelled, grabbing onto the ladder as Vader sped out of the Star Destroyer.

Vader hurriedly rolled up the window and the ladder snapped below. He sighed and considered going back for Jeeti. Oh, well. He had a Christmas party to get to.


	6. Jingle Bell Rock!

**Double update twill end the story. Haha….twill. Anyway, I really hope you all have a great holiday. And even if it isn't the best holiday, I can guarantee it'll be better than Vader's.**

**Disclaimer: Is there even a need?**

**If you read, please review.**

Luke woke up and ran around the base yelling that Santa had come. The Rebels and Imperials and the three Force ghosts ran down to the living room and opened their presents.

"I only wish the boss could be here," Rex sighed, using his new BeDazzler to BeDazzle his blaster.

"Me too. I invited Dad here and he didn't even stay for Christmas," Luke told the Stormtrooper.

"Hey guys! Let's hum a song!" Dooku suggested.

The others looked at him like he had drank too much Hoth chocolate.

"What? They do it in all the movies and then something good happens."

They recognized that this was true with a nod and they gathered around the tiny Christmas tree.

Together, they hummed "Hark the Herald Angels Sing" for twenty minutes and then Vader burst in.

"What's going on here?"

"MERRY CHRISTMAS LORD VADER!"

Vader and the others threw back their heads and started to belt out "Hark the Herald Angels Sing."

But then Padme` had to go and ruin the moment by shoving Vader into the food cart and yelling, "Where's my lightsaber, Vader?"

Vader handed her the lightsaber and she disappeared. Everyone cheered and went back to opening presents.

"Someone turn on Jingle Bell Rock!" Vader ordered. "I feel a montage coming on!"

Chewbacca grabbed his guitar and Han grabbed the mike, but Leia took it and handed him a tambourine.

"Jingle bell, jingle bell, jingle bell rock!" Vader and Leia sang. "Jingle bell swing and jingle bells ring"

Luke grabbed a keyboard and started jamming as Rex started to play his bass guitar.

"Snowing and blowing up bushels of fun! Now the jingle hop has begunnnnnn."

**HHHHHH**

Out in space, where the Emperor and Jeeti where bouncing around and rolling.

"I feel a song coming on!" Jeeti said happily. "Jingle bell jingle bell jingle bell rock! Jingle bells chime in jingle bell time!"

The Emperor grinned, "Hey I know that song!"

The two harmonized and sang, "Dancing and prancing in Jingle Bell Square! In the frosty air!"

**HHHHH**

On Tatooine, in Jabba's palace, all the scum burst into song.

"What a bright time! It's the right time. To rock the night awayyyyyy!"

The 3PO droid translated and even Jabba joined in, singing in fatty Huttese.

**HHHHHH**

In Cloud City, Lando paused in working to sing with the Ugnauts and carbonite workers.

"Jingle bell time is a swell time to go gliding in a one-horse sleigh! Giddy up jingle horse pick up your feet! Jingle around the clock!"

**HHHHH**

Then, the entire galaxy burst into happy song.

"MIX AND MINGLE IN THE JINGLING FEET! THAT'S THE JINGLE BELL! THAT'S THE JINGLE BELL! THAT'S THE JINGLE BELL ROCKKKKK!"

**HHHHH**

Back at the base, everyone was arm-in-arm and swaying happily.

"God bless us! Every one!" a young Rebel said.

"Way to pose a Christmas carol," Vader rumbled.

"Hey you guys! You guys! It's snowing!" one of the Rebels yelled.

"Shut up, Bob! It snows every day here!"

Bob shut up.

The Force ghosts said their goodbyes and went back to the Netherworld.

The Rebels and Imperials shared one last cup of Hoth chocolate.

Vader leaned forward, "Now let's talk New Year's."

Luke sighed and rolled his eyes, "Well…"

**Hope you liked it! Have a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!**


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